My father never really gave me any real life advice.
And the little “training” for life that he contributed to my
evolution as a pseudo mature adult was how to defend myself.
My life lessons have all been learned through trial and
error and or mimicking those around me or parroting the things heard on
television.
It’s sad but I actually miss the awkward conversations that
should/could have occurred as I grew up.
You know the ones about drugs, or girls or god
forbid…condoms…LOL
I wonder how I would have reacted…
Would I have been embarrassed…??
Would I have been appreciative…??
Or would I have stared blankly in my fathers general
direction hoping that he wouldn’t make eye contact and would shut up just so I
could use the line…
You know… “the line” that every guy wants to
throw back at his dad…
“Thank you, Obi Wan
Kenobi”
In all seriousness, it always deeply wounded me that we
never had any of those father-son conversations where he would counsel me about
life and give me lessons that might provide a road map for how to live my life.
Needless to say, ever since my kids were born, I've been
bombarding them with advice on a near-daily basis. It's almost pathological.
My list of lessons that I want to pass down to her is
virtually endless and constantly changing but I thought I'd write some of those
lessons down here.
Some of these lessons are humorous. Some are serious.
However, all of them are true...
1.
When
posing for any photos, assume that the only people who will see them are me,
your mother, your boss, and the dean of admissions.
2.
Life
is too short not to order the fries.
3.
Never
date a man who is rude to waiters, doesn't say "bless you" when you sneeze,
or won't offer you his jacket when you're cold.
4.
Never
order drinks that are pink or come with an umbrella in them.
5.
Don't
worry about being popular. The "weird" kids are much more fun and
will end up being your most interesting friends. Also, when it comes to
friends, you can't trump quality with quantity. Choose wisely. Who would you
call to drive your white
Bronco?
6.
Give
charitably, generously, and anonymously.
7.
Crocs
are for people who have given up on life.
8.
Never
cheat. Not on exams, the crossword puzzle, or your boyfriend.
9.
If
you love someone, tell them. Don't hold back.
10. It may be a small world but it's a
huge planet. Grab every opportunity to see as much of it as you possibly can.
Most people don't.
11. Keep your eye on the ball and follow
through, both in sports and in life.
12. Its only when you cant walk it off
or limbs are dangling that you go to the hospital.
13. Speaking of sports, pick a team and
stick with them. There are few things more important in life than loyalty. It's
a dying trait currently in short supply. Trust me. I'm a Mets fan.
14. Never regret staying home alone with
a good book.
15. If you feel the need to reinvent
yourself, at least be original.
16. Learn from the bad as well as the
good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And always remember
that the story is never over.
17. Sometimes making a scene is OK
18. Learn how to entertain yourself.
Close the door; crank up the stereo, and dork out. Invent new dance moves. Play
the air guitar. Practice your touchdown moves. Too many people are self-conscious
even when they're alone. Don't be one of those people.
19. Learn how to laugh at yourself.
20. When you realize that everyone comes
from a dysfunctional family, life gets a little easier and you feel a little
less crazy. The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
21. Thank you notes are to be written
promptly.
22. Remember that nice guys do finish
first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.
23. Learn to cook one thing really well.
24. Happiness is not fame, money or
power. The key to life is finding your sweet spot.
25. In the end, everything will be OK…If
things aren’t OK it’s because you’re not at the end yet…
26. Take every piece of advice anyone
ever gives you with a grain of salt.
And finally…I’ve recently added this one
to my repertoire…
(thanks to the movie Horrible Bosses)
Life is a marathon. And you can't win a
marathon without putting a few band-aids on your nipples…
