Thursday, September 22, 2011

Deconstruction of a Prayer


I recently visited the Vancouver art gallery. In fact I’ve been to the gallery five times in as many weeks. The first time I visited and each subsequent time I’ve been deeply moved by a painting called “la priere” The Prayer by: Wilhelm Frederik Christian Carlsen Freddie  (Wilhelm Freddie)

Wilhelm Freddie
(1909-1995).
Danish painter and sculptor. He studied briefly at technical college and at the school of graphic arts of the Kunstakademi in Copenhagen, but he was largely self-taught. Freddie painted his earliest abstracts in 1926, but in 1929 he became acquainted with André Breton’s periodical La Révolution surréaliste.


Unfortunately I have not been able to find a digital copy of the painting anywhere. In lieu of the image I will try and describe it to you and some of the emotions that it evokes in me.
The painting isn’t overly large. Its about 24” x 36” (609mm x 914mm), its framed with a modest wood frame.
The characters/elements within the painting are as follows:
A Woman
A Chair
A Piece of White Fabric
A Step/Platform
A Light Source
An Emptiness
The configuration and placement of the characters/elements are:
The bottom 10th of the canvas has the woman on her belly, strewn on the floor arms outstretched. Both her head and arms rest uncomfortably on the step/platform, which is located in front of her. If the woman were standing in front of me I would have to say she would probably be of above average height, and thinner than average. Proportionally all of her features seem correct except her feet, which seem small. Within the narrative of the painting the woman has her left foot with the ball of her feet planted on the ground/floor seemingly with the intent of pushing herself forward.
There is a chair, which seems to be gilded, and it straddles the woman near the center of the canvas. The chair straddles the woman between hips and breast. The chair is slightly askew and has a piece of fabric on the seat suggesting someone was just there subduing or subjugating her.
The step/platform exists in front of her to the left. It seems proportionally consistent with a step.
Finally there is the light and the emptiness…
These two characters are important because they create tension, an uneasy balance within the unbalanced nature of the painting. The painting is overwhelmingly void of definition and lacking form. And yet the light, whose unknown origin and milky luminosity define all of the recognizable anxiety within the boundaries of the canvas.
The weight and uncontainable expanse of the void frightens me. The colours that have been used are also disturbing. Had the artist used black it could have been recognizable as void, or empty… Instead he used brown with wisp’s of amber muddied and deep in its texture and colour. This to me is reminiscent of rot, of decay, of death…
The gilded chair is thin and delicate and light, in its simplicity and flaxen glow one almost feels as though the artist is  undermining our reality or defying our expectations . In many ways I believe the viewer is anticipating the appearance of the chair to be incongruent with its actual weight. The colour of the chair compliments the amber wisps in the darkness creating a subconscious association with the two elements.
The coloring of the woman is a delicate alabaster, pale, as though the darkness has slowly consumed her will to live…
The painting as a whole strikes me as a woman whom is on the verge of giving up hope. A woman driven, yet beleaguered by her past present and future. A woman who now rests on a step, stage or alter deciding if she will abandon hope or persist.
As an amalgam…The story I believe is being told is a simple metaphor for marriage. It seems like a subjugated woman at her wedding altar at some point during her marriage struggling with an overwhelming, overpowering spouse whom has left and in his place despair has filled her life. But there is some light and she still retains some resistance and hope for recapturing her momentum and moving forward and out from under the burden of her past.
That’s just my opinion…

Thursday, September 15, 2011

In most cases B&B stands for something completely different…


I had to wait a little while before posting this cuz…well…it took a while for me to stop laughing.

I have changed the names locations and catch phrases in order to protect the identities of those included in this posting. Resemblance to any persons alive or dead (yea…like I’m a necrophiliac…LOL) is purely coincidental…

So a while ago I went out on a few dates with a beautiful woman. She was European. Tall, beautiful, reminded me a little of a thicker Famke Janssen….Yummy! She was also highly intelligent and held at least one masters.
We went out and did the typical date things…Movies, Dinners, Sex…

Now…
She was a pleasure to be around. Although she had a penchant for complimenting me. Which if you know me, stirs all sorts of trust issues…
Sooooo that became a bit of an issue with me.
It became a much larger issue with me cuz I feel as though I must reciprocate a compliment with a compliment…Argh! And that wasn’t the end of the compliment dilemma…The way she said thanks after my requited and forced reply also grated on me…It was a cutesy elongated thank-you…It sounded like this:
Tthhaaaaannnk-“Q” (stretch the “thank” unnaturally using a high pitched voice and then come down a few octaves so humans, and not just dogs can hear you with a curt and affirmative “Q” not “you”…)
Ball One…

Then there was the gay thing…
EVERYONE who knows me recognizes that I like to have fun with my gay-straight look and mannerisms… Look; I buy clothes purposely to maintain my “look”. So whenever the subject was broached, she became very defensive and maybe a tad worried or judgemental…(I’m not altogether sure…it was just a weird vibe). She would say things like “you’re very macho” or “I don’t see the gay thing”… OMG… I love to tease the boys and spend thousands in hair products alone to achieve my goal… Don’t tell me you don’t see it…Argh!
Strike One…

Then the sex…
Soooo…it started with her saying I was very sensual… WTF
I didn’t understand that one so I had to ask my “girl-friend” Lisa. Apparently it has something to do with how I take my time…and don’t explode in my pants…LOL
I don’t know what other men are doing…but if they’re rushing and exploding, they’re doing something is wrong.
Then it was the actual act of sex. And I used the word “act” purposefully. Throughout the entire ordeal I felt as though there were cameras pointed at us and that a phantom director was prompting her to hit specific markers, milestones and recite lines…
She was very verbose in bed and dictatorial as well…To all my friends she quickly became Benito in Bed…(BnB…Title Reference…hahahaha). In fact she would repeat a mantra that was similar to: “…oh baby, baby, you’re soooo good, oh baby, baby, you’re soooo big, oh baby, baby, ya…like that…”
Now…If you know me you’ll realize that not commenting while this is going on was killing me. So instead of saying something…I did the only thing I could…
I began to laugh!
Fortunately she was in some porn stance that the director whispered to her, which provided me a leg to bury my face in and obscure my smirk and laughter…I also started to think she had forgotten my name…LOL Thank god for the phantom director and her leg…LOL
Besides the mantra, she was kinda bossy and would say things like: “…put it here…” | “…lick it there…” | “…on the left side…” | “…do you like that…”
The last one…“…do you like that…” when she said it was less of a question and more of a statement…Which wasn’t very engaging. In fact it worried me. What if I told her what I really thought? Argh…
Strike Two…

And finally…her hands would wander and her fingers would get really close to my anus. Now, I know some guys might like that. But…in my case the gay thing is just for show…
Strike Three…


I tried to talk to her about it…But I just couldn’t reconcile my issues…
She is an amazing woman and I’m sure she will make someone an amazing partner.

Benito You Rock!


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Youth in Asia - or - da Nile is in Egypt


The silly titles will make more sense in a few minutes…
This post is about my stupid relationships again…

At the moment there are four women in my life.
1.    Lisa, whom has very quickly risen to the illustrious plateau of best friend and confidant. There are very few humans that can tolerate me, and even fewer that are witty, urbane and confident enough to let me be me, and do my thing.
I’m going to write another post later about our shopping escapades. But I have to memorialize our leather jacket experience.
The other day Lisa and I (at my behest) went shopping for a jacket. I needed a new trendy(ish) leather jacket. My first thought was vintage biker. So after grabbing some food and getting my hair cut, we went into some consignment shops on the Drive. Nothing!
We then figured that going downtown would provide us with a better result. We first went to Danier Leather. There we found a nice typical leather jacket that fit and would fill my needs. But in truth it was unremarkable. As we were leaving (without purchasing the jacket) Lisa and I spot an orange mass.
Now I have to try and illustrate what I saw next…
Lisa gets this look when we go shopping…
The look and the size of her eyes and the distance between her upper and lower lips is proportionate to how bizarre the fashion is and how excited I become…
I also have to explain the look is most definitely fear. But not because she’s afraid the garment is ugly…its more a case of being fearful she’ll love the item when I wear it.
So Lisa and I are now standing in front of an orange waist cut leather jacket. Lisa began to mouth the words NO, and shake her head…
Too late…I had to try it on…
It fit perfectly…
I stood in front of the mirror and I said out loud to Lisa that it was sooooooo reminiscent of a jacket that my studly bachelor uncle wore in the 70’s. Just that thought moved me, and I began to dance. Just then an older couple (maybe in their 60’s) walked past and he touted: “…don’t make fun of old people…”
Heeeeeeeeeey….I’m allowed to make fun of old people… I’m OLD!
I took the jacket off (not before I embarrassed Lisa a bit by dancing up to her) and we went to Boy’s Co.
In Boy’s Co. we tried on several jackets when the sales guy helping us says; “…I’ve got this jacket, its different…it will take a special kinda guy to carry it off…”
I felt like a samurai squaring off with an opponent, or a dualist pacing away from my opponent with my flintlock pistol in hand.
Lisa had that look of fear… O… MG… its purple!
I was a true Ronin…a master dualist!
I rocked that jacket…
And once again I did my little dance…LOL
Its just too bad it was over a thousand dollars…I had to say no…
BTW…Lisa, I know you’re reading this… I want you to know I love ya!
2.    The next woman in my list is my ex wife. She just stresses the shit outa me…Nuff Said!
3.    Then there is this amazing woman I’ve dated a few times. She’s an English teacher and soooooooo much more…
She’s smarter than me. Which when all is said and done, doesn’t amount to much cuz I’m an idiot…LOL
4.    Finally we have Liz…
Liz and I are friends.
She has this ability to make me feel squishy inside. She doesn’t feel the same way.
Obviously I was living in denial. So, in order to move forward with other more mature and mutually fulfilling relationships I’ve decided to un-friend her. This is my first attempt at friendship euthanasia… (BTW…I hope you caught my clever word play from the title…OK…maybe not so clever…But I thought it was funny.)

I’ll let you all know how it goes…